I recently wrote about how you can’t really be happy, without being in touch with all of your feelings.
Life has offered me an excellent week to try out this statement.
I have been frustrated, angry, furious, uncertain, recentful, desperate and just basically on somekind of edge for most of the days. And let me tell you – it’s very uncomfortable. It seems I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum, where I was always nice to everyone, to the other end of the spectrum, where I’m yelling at completely innocent people.
That is something I do not appreciate about myself.
Then again, I have noticed that I’m also feeling overwhelming joy and pleasure again. I think I have got my sense of humor back. Finally! I am actually laughing out loud at jokes!
Do you have any idea, how painful it is, not to be able to joke and laugh about things!?
Because I do. It’s a weird fog in your brain that just makes everything… Flat. Unintresting.
What is the best part about being able to feel feelings? Our kids are starting to feel like a source of fun in addition to the constant worry, and occasional headache they cause.
Perhaps it’s because for such a long time things were a bit… flat, that every feeling in want of being felt is jumping at the opportunity. Perhaps it’s because other people’s moods tend to still affect me heavily. I’m not sure. But letting all your feelings be a part of you doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. And I don’t want to be.
Luckily Friday evening gave me a chance to spend some time on my own, so I was able to let off some of that steam.
I attacked our stove and made it sparkly again.
Then I sang some songs, very loud! And texted some friends about how to blow off steam when you feel that the anger and hate and frustration are trying to eat you up. Then I went to bed early enough, had a decent night’s sleep and woke feeling a thousand times better on Saturday morning.
Saturday brought some more anguish though, that was almost too much to bear. There was an incredibly upsetting event in Finland on Friday, and the aftermath of that event meant so much anger in every possible media outlet, that I wasn’t able to shield myself (one of my survival tactics is not reading too many news, but this was unavoidable…)
Luckily Sunday saved my weekend (and perhaps the whole week) due to seeing and talking to an old friend, I hadn’t seen in a long time and having some new friends over for lunch.
At least I bloody well can make the distinction between my negative and positive feelings, and am totally able to appreciate when feeling balanced, happy or excited even.
“People want to feel very good all the time in Western cultures. Even if they feel good most of the time, they may still think that they should feel even better, which might make them less happy overall.”