Might be a cliché… But it’s the path that led me to the self help section of that London bookstore. And the reason I finally plucked up the courage to start blogging about happiness.
You’ve heard this before, I know it! Nothing I can do about that!
After having our first child in 2011 and getting over the initial fuzzyness that is associated with having a baby (the hormones, the doubts, the sleepless nights), I found my old passion. Writing.
I even attended some courses and finished basic studies in creative writing, but at this time I was still trying to accomplish… Maybe not the wrong things but my mindset was all wrong.
The mindset where happiness is something you have, when you first loose 10 k’s, publish a novel and have your dreamjob.
It wasn’t until the troublesome years with our second child that I realized something had to really change in the way I am flowing through life. That I should somehow have more faith in me, faith in life.
In 2014 I had a flu all through my second pregnancy, which already made me tired and really annoyed.
When Junior was two months old he developed a really severe skin condition that took about 8 months to get under control. It meant he was pretty much screaming 24/7 during those eight months and that I was up every fifteen minutes to comfort him.
Needless to say that when things eventually calmed down the damage was pretty much done. But I didn’t realize it then.
I kicked into complete overdrive trying to follow an exercise and eating routine that would make me lean in five weeks (it did, but it wasn’t going to last), decided to start a catering / party planning business (well, I love parties!) and ransacked our apartment of things we didn’t need (#minsgame).
A hint of mania I’d say, in retrospective.
Going back to work in January 2016 was the last straw. Even now I remember the overwhelming feeling of tiredness as I sat there, trying to understand what was being explained.
I was at work for maybe 10 days when the first flu hit me. The whole spring was one flu after another, before I decided to reduce my hours to about 20 per week.
That seemed to do the trick and slowly I got my physical health back. Mentally though, I wasn’t doing too good. I was getting panic attacks, I didn’t feel joy and was easily irritable. I was seeing two therapists (one work, one family oriented) but I was still in pretty dark waters.
After consulting my doctor and many friends I decided to give anti-depressants a go.
After the initial nausia they caused had passed, I slowly started to feel slightly more “normal”. I was able to apply new jobs. I could concentrate on things. I was enjoying the summer home with kids. I had the energy to keep renovating our new apartment. I even got that new job I wanted.
All through spring 2016 I was trying every self help course I could get my hands on. But I was not getting any results, I was not commited and I couldn’t concentrate.
At least in my case the depression had to be dealt with first. And now I feel like I have the energy and the motivation to tackle a year long happiness project.
I will be using Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project as the basis for my year-long journey. My opinions are my own. How I experience things might not be true for everyone. I don’t claim to be an expert about anything, but I’m happy to try to answer any questions you might have. I may occasionally give suggestions to books or courses I have found helpful and some of those will be in Finnish. But I’m a strong believer in intuition, and so I chose to write in English.
Welcome to my journey.